So in January of this year, I made a decision that I was going to get fit, and stay healthy. I was going to work out on a regular basis, and limit my junk food intake to special occasions only. I did super well, and actually ENJOYED eating healthy. I went over a whole month without eating ANYTHING overly fatty or sweet. I didn't eat french fries, or white pasta and bread, I didn't eat cookies or chips, I didn't eat hotdogs.
I was eating chicken, shrimp, fish, quinoa, tri-colour pasta, fruit, nuts, peppers, onions, asparagus, green beens, tomatoes, salads with spinach, greek yogurt, almond butter, hummus, and the occasional pack of thinsations. I ate REAL foods, and cooked every day. I pre-made my lunches, and it was fantastic.
After going to Cuba, I had a little difficulty getting back on the healthy bandwagon when I got back, but after a few weeks of eating (mostly) healthy, I was able to enjoy the non-junk food eating habits again. I was losing weight, and every part of my body was getting noticeably different, and I was loving it. I was lean, healthy, fit, I was feeling better than ever.
I kind of got into a work out slump, and didn't work out as often, and started to eat junk food on a more normal basis again, and I was noticing the flub start to return to my belly. I was disappointed in myself, and felt like I had let myself down. I had done so well, so why did I stop?
I have been working out for 5 days a week (sometimes 6 days a week) for about 7 weeks now, with my new Focus T25 DVDs, and have been using the schedule diligently for the last 5 weeks. I have noticed that i am much more in shape, and much stronger than I was 7 weeks ago. After the first 3 weeks of using T25, I lost over an inch around my waist, thighs and arms, and I was so proud.
But over the last 3-4 weeks, I haven't been the most obedient when it comes to eating. I have been pre-making my healthy lunches, but then when I get home, my boyfriend will order pizza and I will eat it. Or I will buy cheetos after work and eat the whole bag. I made an announcement on this past Thursday that I was DONE with the junkfood, that I was getting back into the healthy groove, and I was going to be excited about it. Today I went to Harvey's. It was a Harvey's attached to a Swiss Chalet and I could have gotten chicken, but no, I went to Harvey's and got a burger and a poutine with bacon. And then I went to my nephew's birthday party and ate oreo cake. I feel gross. I feel like a person who works out so that she can eat junk food, and I don't want to be that person. I want to be a person who works out because she wants to be healthy. I want to be fit, and I want to feel good about myself. Junk food tastes so good, but it makes me feel so crappy. Physically, but lately, also emotionally. It disappoints me, it makes me feel like I have failed. I want eating healthy to be fun again. I want to be excited to make my meals, I want to feel good about myself. I don't want to have to wear an undershirt to tuck into my jeans so they don't dig into my belly. (I know I have a very small layer of fat on my belly, and most people would yell at me for even saying these things) but I used to have less. I have more muscle under this fat than I used to, but I have gained some of this fat back, and I am beginning to feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I know what it felt like to be able to lounge in jeans and still be comfortable past midnight, and right now all I want to is to change into my over sized pajama pants.
It eating unhealthy makes me feel this crappy, then why do I do it? Can this realization make me more motivated to cut out the bad food? I want to be able to wear my jeans until it's time to go to bed. I don't want love handles. I don't want tummy aches and crappy moods. I want to be fueled and energized because I have been eating the proper foods. I don't want to feel blah everyday because I have fueled my body with crap. I want to be in a good mood. I want to feel good about myself, inside and out, and I want to enjoy it.
